To My Mother

I was going to write a letter, but actually I can sum up my feelings much more briefly than that:

Would you please leave me the fuck alone?

Thanks.

Dear Claustrophobia..

...kindly piss off now. Thanks

EDIT: Ok, this needs some explaining. I'm not all that claustrophobic, and it's very rare that I actually start to get wigged out, but if I feel trapped then I start to get short of breath.

Looking round the single room that is pretty much my whole life outside of work, with half a house worth of stuff in it, you better believe that I feel trapped.

Hmm...

I think I might have figured something out, not anything major, but still a fact of significance.

My mood picked up when I started chatting to a friend over Trillian. It's being in the limbo before my east coast friends wake up that's making it especially bad.

Interesting

In A Mess

I've gotten myself in a bloody mess today. For all the good things that have come out of my break up, and god knows there's a lot, I'm still not over it by any stretch of the imagination.

I've spent the entire morning angry as hell, and I've been telling myself that it's for no reason, but that's just me lying to myself. I know exactly what the reasons are, and it's the fact that I'm powerless to do anything about them that is frustrating me.

I've only really got myself to blame though, I've over-invested myself emotionally in people that, while amazing, are very far away. I'm looking at people thousands of miles away for love and companionship and it is messing me up inside.

Of course it doesn't help that I've turned my back on all my usual avenues of relieving tension. I don't smoke any more, and the more damaging methods I have employed in the past are staying where they are; my arms are a bad enough mess and I like my knuckles unbroken.

*sigh* I'll get over it eventually I suppose, but it's hard to want something so very badly and know that it's almost unattainable - at least not without a lot of work and more than a little luck.